


Selfie Game

by jess_louisee_1995



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 16:30:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jess_louisee_1995/pseuds/jess_louisee_1995
Summary: This work follows on from the episode Past Imperfect that aired on 18th April 2017





	1. Chapter 1

It was the end of a long day. Bernie had been trying to get through the day with no problems, but problems between Fletch, Sydney and the patient Ben, had put paid to that philosophy for the day. 

Closing the office door behind her, she glanced at the mound of paperwork she'd put on Serena's desk. She had to start making progress with it, but it wasn't her strongpoint. Bernie was so much better, on the front line with the troops. 

Smiling sadly as she pulled one of the folders off Serena's desk, she looked longingly at the chair. What she wouldn't give to see Serena sat in the chair right now. Serena had kept in touch with her while she was off travelling, trying to find herself, but it wasn't the same as having her here. 

Pulling out her phone, she smiled at the picture. A selfie of her and Serena from the Christmas party. They looked so happy. Before all of this had happened with Elinor, and Jasmine. Bernie couldn't remember a time when she'd been happier. She sat staring at it for a moment, before returning the phone to her pocket and opening the first of many folders.

*********************************

'Bernie? Is that you? Jason was staying with her tonight. It was one thing Serena had made him promise before she went off travelling, that he would maintain his relationship with Bernie, and he had agreed to stay over two nights a week.

'Hello Jason.'  
'How was your day Bernie, you're very late home?'  
'I know Jason and I'm sorry about that. I had some paperwork to try and clear.'  
'It's okay. I know you have a job to do. How are you finding it without Auntie Serena?'  
'I'll get there Jason, I'm sure I will.'  
'She phoned me earlier.'  
'Did she?'

Bernie couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed that Serena had rang Jason and hadn't even thought to contact her. Bernie hadn't heard from her in 5 days.  
'How is she?'  
'She is doing as well as can be expected. The travelling is helping to change her. She asked after you.'  
'Oh she did, did she?'  
'Yes she did Bernie.'  
'And what did you tell her?'  
'The truth. That you're missing her but you are managing without her.'  
'Okay.'

Bernies mind wandered for a moment. Everyone was at Albies, enjoying the fundraiser that Jasmine had organised.  
'Show us your Holby selfie' had been active on the website all day, with everyone throwing their hat into the ring. Even Mr Hanssen had been active. Though his weren't exactly selfies, but at least he'd made an effort- Bernie and Jason hadn't taken a single photo. An idea began to form in Bernies mind.

'Jason? Can we take a selfie to send to your Auntie Serena?'  
'A selfie? Me and you?'  
'Why not? Everyone is fundraising, and we haven't taken any photos yet. I think she might like to be included. What do you think?'  
'I think that's a good idea.'  
'Come over here then. And I'll take a couple to send her. We can send one to the fundraising too. Let Fletch and Raf enjoy them.'

Jason moved over to the sofa where Bernie was sitting and sat next to her.  
'1..2...3...smile Jason.'  
The camera flashed.  
'I'll send that to your Auntie Serena.'  
Jason glanced at his watch.  
'Bernie, its 10:01. I have to go to bed now. Tell Auntie Serena I said good night.'  
'I will do, I promise.'

After Jason left the room, Bernie lay back on the sofa, holding her phone above her. Serena replied to her photo with two hearts. Bernie smiled. At least she hadn't forgotten her. 

Bernie scrolled to the camera on her phone and took another photo of herself. She wasn't normally one for taking photos but she wanted to send something to Serena as a way of saying goodnight. Pausing for a moment, she captioned the photo before sending it.  
I HOPE YOU ARE MISSING ME AS MUCH AS I AM MISSING YOU.

Bernie spent the next 30 minutes scrolling through her photos on her phone, immersing herself in the memories of Serena and herself before all this had happened. Her phone flashed up with a message notification from Serena.

Opening it, her mouth broke into a grin when she saw Serena's reply. A selfie of herself with four words.  
I HOPE SO TOO❤️

Bernie replied with two love hearts before turning her phone off and heading up the stairs bed.


	2. Two Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Followed on from episode 'Two Hearts' which aired on 25th April 2017

Closing the door behind her, Bernie dropped her bag on the floor and hung her coat up. Having Ric try to crack the whip on AAU with the team this morning had been the funniest thing to watch, until Darla turned up. 

Bernie had a daughter who was 13 at one point in her life. Ric could manage to bark orders to the whole ward but his granddaughter had run rings around him. That had been the highlight of the day.

She had been doing what she did best and saving lives without Serena for the past few weeks, but just because Serena wasn't at the hospital in person, didn't mean she wasn't there in spirit. AAU was and always would be Serena's baby. 

Glancing at her watch, she wondered where the day had gone. She only had a short amount of time before her call. 

********************************

40 minutes later, Bernie had her laptop propped open, staring at the screen. She had been looking forward to this all day, it had been a funny day, but seeing Ric and his granddaughter bond had hit home just how much Bernie was missing 'family life'

Right on time, the screen came alive. Bernie pressed the button and her face broke into a wide grin.   
'Hey there.'  
'Hi'  
'How are you?'  
'Some days are better than others. I'm getting there. The ghosts and the echoes are slowly slipping away from me.'  
'That's good to hear. It's so good to see you.'  
'It's good to see you too, even if it's through a computer screen.'  
'Hey, I will take what I can get at the moment. Although it's nothing to what it would be like to have you back here by my side; back where you belong.'  
'Oh Bernie, I wish I was there as well, but you know I can't, not right now. I need to get rid of the anger and the hate I feel. I'm getting there , by putting one foot in front of the other.'

Bernie just sat staring at Serena for a moment before smiling sadly.  
'I miss you.'  
'I miss you too. More than you know. How is the hospital?'  
'It's okay. Just about running the ship without you. Rics back'  
'Oh so the wanderer returned.'  
'I could say the same about you.'

Serena smiled at Bernie. She was getting better, 'finding herself' away from the drama of the hospital. Despite thinking she hadn't needed the sabbatical, the change of scenery was just what she had needed.  
'Serena?'  
'Hmm, sorry.'  
'Penny for them?'  
'Oh, I was just thinking how much I needed the sabbatical.'  
'I know you needed it. Doesn't make it any easier without you.'  
'I'm sorry.'  
'Don't apologise. If this is what you need to get yourself back together then I'm all for it. What's a few months compared to a lifetime? Because that is what we have together isn't it Serena?'

Serena smiled and Bernie knew exactly what she was going to say.  
'I hope so.'


	3. Gold Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This episode follows the episode 'Gold Star' that aired on 2nd May 2017.

The weak April sunlight streaming through the curtains found its way all around the room, starting at the window ledge and spreading itself outwards. When it reached the bed, it proceeded to illuminate the wooden bed frame and the mass of duvet on top of it.

What it failed to catch was the huddled person cowering under the duvet with the pillow over their head. 

Knocking on the door, brought Bernie out of her cave and as she pulled the duvet off her head, she shut her eyes against the sunshine beating down on her from the window.   
'Bernie?'  
Hearing Jason behind the door, she groaned and got out of bed. Her head was pounding.   
'Jason?'  
'Oh so you are awake.'  
'Yes Jason. Are you okay?'  
'I am fine thank you. I think the question is are you okay after last night Bernie?'  
'Me?'  
'You were behaving rather strangely last night Bernie. You were home rather late.'

Bernie leant with her head against the door, burying her head in the dressing gown on the back of the door. The smell of Serena instantly hit Bernie, and despite her hangover, tears welled up in her eyes. She was used to Serena not being here, but every so often a wave hit her just how much she was missing her.

'Bernie?'  
Jason's voice interrupted Bernie's silence, his voice carrying through the door.  
'Sorry Jason, and about last night. How bad was I?'  
'Do you have no recollection at all?'  
'Sadly not. I know that we were all out and drinking. But that is all I remember.'  
'Why don't you get dressed and I will show you?'  
'Show me?'  
'Yes Bernie, show you.'

*********************************

30 minutes later, Bernie emerged in the kitchen feeling slightly more human. The pure smell of eggs was lingering in the kitchen and it made her stomach churn. Jason was sitting at the table, with his laptop open.   
'You don't look very well Bernie.'  
'I'm not feeling too clever as it is Jason. But thank you for that.'  
'Well I don't think this will do anything to reassure you. Come and have a look.'

Bernie went over and sat at the table, trying to ignore her churning stomach.  
'Here, have a look at Morven's Facebook page.'  
'Morven?'  
Jason pushed the laptop in front of her. At first she wasn't sure what she was looking for, and then she saw the album with yesterday's date.   
'Do I want to look at this Jason?'  
'Bernie, you are being like Auntie Serena. Just have a look. It will give you back your memories of last night.'

Bernie clicked on the album and she was shocked at the photos Morven had taken from last night. One in particular, caught her eye. Her and Ric sitting under one of the tables with shot glasses in their hands. Morven had captioned it with 'They both threatened to drink each other under the table and it happened sooner than expected.'

'Oh my' was all Bernie could say.  
'That is, as you put it last night, Ric doing his worst.'  
'What do you mean?'  
'You thought I was Ric last night shouting at me that I could do my worst. Fletch brought you home in a taxi.'  
'I'm sorry Jason.'  
'It was highly amusing Bernie. I haven't seen you in that good of a mood since Auntie Serena went off travelling.'  
'Well I'm sorry anyway Jason. I don't know what came over me.'  
'I would say alcohol was the cause Bernie.'

Bernie still had no recollection of last night but as she flicked through the photos, she smiled. While the photos weren't exactly flattering, it was a long time since she'd had a chance to let her hair down. The last few months had been hard on her as well as Serena, and after Serena had taken time out, Bernie had felt an obligation to keep everything going in her absence. But last night was a much needed distraction from everything. 

There was just one thing missing. The heart of AAU. Serena. 

*********************************

It was a good job Bernie was off work today. Her hangover wouldn't have put her in a good position for trauma surgery today. Instead, she spent most of the day; curled up on her sofa feeling sorry for herself, flicking listelessly between channels on the television.

It was around late evening, Bernie was beginning to feel better. She'd managed to get some food and liquid inside of her without throwing them straight back up. She didn't normally drink as much as everyone else, but last night, she'd been on a mission to prove to everyone she still had it. 

She heard her phone ringing in the kitchen. It was probably Jason; to let her know he was on his way home. Tonight was his second night with her; and he always rang Bernie when he was on his way back. 

Going through, she saw her phone on the table, where she'd left it that morning. It wasn't Jason. Her fave lit up when she saw it was Serena. Eagerly snatching up her phone, she answered it.  
'Hello.'  
'Hey, are you back in the land of being sober today?'  
'Yes, yes I'm fine... wait, how did you know I was drinking last night? Oh, did you see Morven's photos?'  
'Well yes I did, but I...' Serena began to laugh down the phone.  
'Serena?'  
'Bernie, do you really not remember?'  
'Remember what?'  
'You rang me at ten past two this morning.'  
'Did I?'  
'Yes, I was asleep. Hearing your voicemail made me smile so much when I woke up.'  
'My what?'  
'I cannot believe you don't remember?'

Bernie tried to recall the events of last night, trying to piece together what actually happened but there was still nothing.   
'I don't remember anything; what did I say?'  
'You didn't say much. You sang.'  
'I sang?'  
'Yes, there's almost four minutes of you singing Wind Beneath My Wings. The chorus over and over again. Just what were you doing last night?'  
'Apparently drinking too much. Oh god Serena, I am so sorry.'  
'What are you sorry for? It made my day no end. When I get back, I hope to see that side of you again. It's been a long time since I've heard you that joyful, even if it was alcohol induced.'

Bernie smiled down the phone.  
'When you come back?'  
'Yes, I will be back. I don't know when; but I am coming back.'  
'So it's not just a I hope so now?'  
'No, it's a I know so.'  
'Well that's good. I'm glad you know your coming back. I miss you.'  
'I know you do Bernie; you told me on the phone last night. Well until you were interrupted.'  
'Interrupted?'  
'By Ric.'  
'Oh god, what happened.'  
'He told you to put the phone down or you'd forfeit the competition. You then said it was past his bedtime and he could bring it on.'  
'Just how long was my message?'  
'Just over eight minutes. I had such fun listening to it this morning. I trust you won the drinking competition?'  
'I don't know, I presume so'  
'I wouldn't expect anything less from you.'

'So, what else did I say?'  
'On the message?'  
'Yes.'  
'Just that you loved me and you couldn't wait to see your beloved Cerena Sampbell again.'  
'I'm sorry?'  
'Bernie. I know it's only been a month, but have you really forgotten how to say my name?'

Bernie laughed down the phone.  
'I won't be drinking again, I promise.'  
'Now, Ms Wolfe, we shouldn't go making promises we can't keep. I wouldn't want you to keep it anyway. It sounded like you were having fun. Which is what you need. Although I hate being apart from you, it sounds like the break is having a good effect on you as well.'  
'I wouldn't say that. I'm still missing you and cannot wait to see you when you get back'  
'Well I would say that. I have to go now. My phone needs charging. Promise me one thing?'  
'Anything.'  
'Don't enjoy yourself too much while I'm not there.'  
'Oh. Serena, there's always a space for you, you know that. Promise me something as well?'  
'What?'  
'If I ever start singing Wind Beneath my Wings to you again when I'm drunk; shoot me.'  
'Now why would I do that? It was so lovely. I loved it. And I love you.'  
'You do?'  
'Yes, I love you Bernie.'  
'And I love you Serena. I will talk to you later.'  
'You bet on your life you will.'  
'Well of last night is anything to go by, my life won't be much longer. I thought I was dying this morning'

Serena's hysterical laughter was the last thing Bernie heard as the call got cut off. Smiling she went back into the living room and turned the radio on. As she sat down on the sofa, a song came on. She smiled even wider when she heard what it was. In a way, last night had brought her and Serena even closer. 

Can you guess what song was playing?


	4. The Heart Is A Small Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This follows on from the episode The Heart is a Small Thing that aired on 9th May.

Closing the door behind her, Bernie hung up her coat and bag. While she had gone to Albies after work, she was watching her alcohol intake. The events of last weeks were not yet forgotten. Running a hand through her hair, she went through to the kitchen to put the kettle on, missing the vibrating of her phone in her bag. 

Today had been a good day all round. She had brought Cameron back to the ward for a day, only for Ric to tell him he couldn't assist in the procedure. However, as she and Ric had sat at the bar, she had spied Cameron and Morven sat in the corner holding hands. She was happy- Morven was so much better for him then the 'ghastly girlfriend' he had in London. 

However, there was still a massive hole in AAU and no amount of extra people would fill it. 

And that whole was Serena. 

With each passing day, Bernie was missing her more and more; but she knew with each passing day that Serena was getting stronger and nearer to her old self. The person that Bernie had fallen in love with. 

*********************************

Two hours later, after flicking listlessly through the TV, Bernie decided to call it a night. As she went up the stairs, she pulled her phone out from her bag and saw she had 3 missed calls from Serena. 

Smiling to herself, she punched out Serenas number.  
'Hello'  
'Hey, so you finally answer your phone then. Bernie, just a tip. You know the phone is portable so you can take it with you wherever you go.'  
'Yes I am aware of that Serena.'  
'Well just thought I would remind you.'  
'You sound in good spirits today.'  
'I am.'  
'That's good. I'm pleased your feeling good today.'  
'I am, I'm just missing you.'  
'I'm missing you as well.'

Bernie could senses Serena was hesitating.  
'Serena?'  
'So... I had a interesting conversation earlier?'  
'That's nice. Who with?'  
'Hanssen.'  
'Are you coming home?'  
'Not yet. I need more time out. I've only been gone a month. But I did wonder...'  
'Yes?'  
'How would you like to come to Spain with me for two weeks?'

Of all the things Bernie was expecting that was the last thing she had been listening for.  
'Pardon?'  
'Hanssens said you could take some time off.'  
'Oh he did, did he?'  
'Bernie, the point of me going away was to find myself. And the ghosts and echoes are slowly leaving me, it's still a long road. But I have realised something, and that is that I'm nothing without you. Please, come away with me?'  
'Serena.. i don't know what to say.'  
'Say yes.'  
'Are you sure about this?'  
'Bernie, I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life.'

Bernies mouth stretched into a wide smile, like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.   
'Serena, you are sure about this yes?'  
'Bernie, if I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have come all the way back for you.'  
'What? Back from where?'  
'I was travelling through Europe, you know that. I was in Switzerland, but I'm not now.'  
'Where are you?'  
'That is a very good question. Look outside.'

Bernie dropped her phone and ran over to the window. Serena was outside her house. Bernie gasped and ran down the stairs as fast as she could. Opening the door, she ran outside.  
'Surprised to see me?'  
'Serena, what???'  
'Bernie, it's been a month. I missed you.'  
Serena threw her arms around Bernie. The two of them stood in the darkness of the street clinging to each other. 

'I still can't believe this. Am I dreaming the fact you're here.'  
'Not a dream Bernie. I'm here, and we leave tomorrow.'  
'Tomorrow?'  
'Yes.'

Serena had been missing Bernie so much, she was trying to repair herself but she realised she couldn't do that without Bernie. So she'd managed to wangle Bernie coming away with her. A change of scenery for a couple of weeks was just what she needed. And also she needed to reassure Bernie that she was still here.

'Can we not come home together?'  
'Bernie I would love that. But I know I'm not ready yet. The hospital still holds dark memories for me. And I don't want to undo all the work you've don't getting the ward back on track. I just wanted to see you.'  
'Okay. I can cope with that. You're here after all.'  
'Yes I am, and so are you. We're better when we're together.'  
'That we are Serena.'

They were better together but the break had worked wonders for both of them. Serena wasn't walking around under the shadow of a cloud, with the eight of the world on her shoulders. And Bernie was almost a completely changed woman. She wasn't worrying about Serena and Jasmine on the ward anymore so she was looking so much more like the big macho army medic Serena had fell in love with.

'So where to now'  
'Inside, then away for two weeks. And then I don't know.'  
'I'll have to come home'  
'I know, but I will be back as well.'  
'You promise?'  
'Bernie. I promise. I told you last week. I know I'm coming back. My whole life is in that hospital. You're there.'  
'Oh Serena...'  
'Bernie...'

The two of them hugged even harder. They were reunited for now, and then Serena was off to continue travelling. But Bernie knew they would be okay, cause they had each other and love could conquer anything.


	5. Enigma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows on from the episode Engima which aired on 23rd May 2017.

Ten days away in the sun with Serena had done wonders for Bernie. She didn't realise just how much she had needed the holiday and time away from the ward. Time out to just breathe and feel almost human again. And to be by Serena's side again after six weeks apart- it was time she knew she would always cherish. 

And yet, Bernie knew there was still a long mountain to climb. Serena was still having nightmares, still had dark days and hadn't fully come to terms with the loss of Elinor. Bernie knew Serena was on the way to getting better, but though she was through the worst, there was still an uphill battle that Serena had to deal with, to conquer the darkness and demons she still had inside her.

*********************************

The temperature was well into the forties, and as the sun shone high above the Spanish villa, the two women on the terrace were in their own private bubble. Serena looked over at Bernie and smiled. She had come to the realisation that she was nothing without Bernie and she knew she had done the right thing in having a holiday with her. 

Feeling someone looking at her, Bernie glanced over at Serena. Her inside turned to goo as she felt Serena looking at her eyes, through the windows of her soul. For a moment, nothing else mattered. They stared at each other, blissfully unaware of anything and everything else that was happening outside their moment of heaven. 

The moment was ruined by Bernie's ringtone. It was Cameron. Feeling thirsty, Serena decided to give them some space and got up off the sun lounger to go and refill their glasses of ice water.

*********************************

Standing in the doorway, Serena watched as Bernie talked animatedly on the phone and running a hand through her hair, and she smiled to herself. She was so lucky to have Bernie in her life. So much had gone wrong for the two of them before they'd even got started. But despite it all, they were still here together. That had to show some commitment and their proof of love of each other. 

Bernie put the phone down and waved Serena over.  
'Everything okay?' Serena asked as she sat down, popping the glasses on the table.   
'Yeah, i just had a very interesting chat with Cameron.'  
'Anything you'd care to share?'  
'I was hoping you'd ask me that. It's a funny story?'  
'Well go on Bernie, do spill.'  
'Darwin had a very interesting patient yesterday. Remember Francois Yates?'  
'How could I forget her. Ric had a thing for her.'

Serena watched as Bernie grinned mischievously.   
'What?'  
'Hold that thought. She was admitted on to Darwin after exercising vigorously. Zosia probed her on it and it turned out; she'd been um.. making love.'  
'That was her exercise?'  
'Yep. And well. Guess who turned up at the end of the shift and gave her a kiss?'

Serena studied Bernie's face and as Bernie broke into a fit of giggles, it hit her.   
'Ric?'  
Bernie nodded and laughed even harder.  
'Ric Griffin?'  
'Wait for the best part. Guess what she calls him.'  
'What?'  
'Big Pappy.'

That was too much for Serena to handle. She burst into uproarious laughter.  
'Ric Griffin, who knew?'  
'Well, everyone now. Zosia told Ollie. He told Jasmine and Morven. Morven told Cam, and Cam thought I should know.'  
'An why did he think that?'  
'Because he knows I'm going to crucify him. Big Pappy indeed.'  
'I can't wait to hear about this.'  
'I'll keep you in the loop I promise.'  
'You better!'  
'Ric Griffin, the dirty devil. He's never going to live this down.'  
'Well not while your around. You're never going to let him forget it are you.'  
'Not on his life.'

Serena smiled at Bernie and the two of them burst into laughter again. Bernie was returning to the ward next week and she was going to tear Ric apart. She was quite looking forward to it, but for now, all that mattered was her time away with Serena. It was like gold dust st the moment. Rare and far between but like magic when it did happen.


	6. The Hard Way Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows on from the episode 'The Hard Way Home' which aired on 6th June 2017

It had been two weeks since Bernie had seen or spoken to Serena. It had been hard saying goodbye at the airport, as they both boarded separate planes- Serena to Italy, Bernie back to the UK. But Bernie had been so busy on the ward with new doctors and backlogs of paperwork, she'd been working late most nights. 

Today was a day and a half though. Work had been okay but she'd noticed Morven struggling. Then she'd remembered, it was the anniversary of Arthur's death. A year already, so much had happened. Bernie cast her mind back to the funeral. When Serena had broke down and Bernie had been there to comfort her. How much had changed when the woman she needed to be with her wasn't here. 

*********************************

'Good day Jason?' Bernie called as she heard him close the front door.  
'It was okay. I met the new F1 on Darwin, Damon Ford. He seems very stupid. He got lost on the way. I think he's more stupid than Auntie Serena.'  
'Now Jason, that's not very nice to say about your Auntie Serena.'  
'I'm only saying what is true. He is very stupid if he got lost in a hospital with signs.'

Bernie smiled as he sat down on the chair opposite her. Tonight he was staying with her.   
'Speaking of your Auntie Serena, I thought we might give her a call. Would you like to speak to her?'  
'Call her? Why?'  
'You know what today is don't you Jason. It's a year since Arthur died.'  
'No, I didn't. I had forgotten. Should I have behaved sadder at work today?'  
'No, no, Jason it's fine. I'm sure no one noticed how you behaved. I'm going to call Serena, would you like to talk to her?'  
'I need to have a shower. You know my routine Bernie. Just tell Auntie Serena I am missing her and I hope to see her again soon.'  
'I will tell her, I promise.'

Jason got up again and went out of the living room. Bernie watched him go and when she heard the soft padding of his feet on the stairs, she pulled out her phone and punched out Serena's number. 

Holding it to her ear, she heard the ringtone and then Serena picked up on the third ring.  
'Hello you.'  
'Hello yourself, long time no speak.'  
'Sorry, works been crazy.'  
'Bernie, it's okay. I know what it's like. How is everyone?'  
'Their fine. Jasmines not leaving now. She's staying.'  
'I must say I'm glad about that. I thought she might have wanted to get away from the ward, after everything that happened.'  
'Serena, she doesn't blame you for anything that happened. No-one does. How's Italy?'  
'It's great Bernie. Im staying on here a bit longer. I can see why Ellie loved it here. It's amazing. I'll have to bring you one day; if you'd like that I mean.'

Bernie smiled into the phone.  
'I'd love that. One day, in our future.'  
'Good.'  
'Serena, you know what today is don't you?'  
'Arthur's anniversary. How could I forget? How's Morven?'  
'Putting on a brave face as usual. Their having drinks down at Albies tonight.'  
'Why didn't you go?'  
'I didn't fancy it. And Jason is here. He says he misses you.'  
'I miss him as well. More than I can say. As much as I miss you.'  
'I miss you too.'

After a lengthy pause, Serena coughed.  
'How is Jason getting on with Alan?'  
'He seems to be rubbing along quite well. Serena, he's doing amazing at work. You'd be so proud of him.'  
'I am proud of him always. Just like I am of you. For managing without me.'  
'Id do anything for you, you know that right? I love you.'  
'I know you do. And I love you. I would give anything to be there with you now. But I'm still having nightmares about Elinor, and I don't want to undo all the hard work you've done building up the ward again.'  
'It's okay. I know you'll be back when you're ready. No pressure.'

Bernie heard a sigh of relief and knew she'd said the right thing.   
'Bernie, how did you get on with Ric and the whole Big Pappy thing?'  
'Funnily enough, I haven't seen him since I've been back. He must have known what I would be like'  
'I bet he's quaking in his boots.'  
'I hope so.'

Serena smiled as she replied; Bernie knew what she was going to say and she mouthed it with her.  
'I hope so too.'


	7. For You May Be The Next To Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows on from the episode 'For You May Be The Next To Die' that aired on 20th June 2017

Bernie couldn't believe that had happened today. Nobody had been expecting for the chain of events to happen like they did. Jasmine dying had left such a hole in AAU, no one knew what to do.

'Now is the time to mourn...' Hanssens words came back to her. Except she couldn't. She had watched Fletch and Morven break down after he'd informed them of Jasmines death. But Bernie couldn't bring herself to cry. She kept it all bottled up inside, and prioritised herself before others. She had to be there for AAU, especially now they'd lost another one of their own.

The hospital had been such a happy place when Jasmine was around. She'd lighten up the room when she entered it, that was just the kind of person she had been. And now, she knew it was a loss they wouldn't ever come to terms with. 

Bernie knew she had to be there to guide AAU through this. Staying strong was her coping mechanism, it always had been. Something she'd developed back in the army. Cause Bernie had experienced losses before, but Jasmine had been such a shock, she hadn't foreseen it and even worst, she blamed herself. Cause she hadn't been able to save her in theatre. 

What kind of leader was she? When she hadn't been able to protect her staff? She was supposed to watch over them and protect them, and she'd failed Jasmine. Was she even fit to work on AAU, and save patients when she hadn't been able to save Jasmine? 

Maybe that's why she had left the hospital without saying goodbye, because she hadn't felt like she would be missed. Maybe that's why she was huddled on her laptop at 10pm, with an empty bottle of whisky on the floor flicking through Jasmines facebook? It was Bernies own private way of saying goodbye. Just for a moment, she decided to let the weakness show, and she decided to say goodbye privately. Closing her eyes and letting the tears fall. 

Hearing her laptop vibrating, Bernie opened her eyes. Serena was calling her. She'd completely forgotten they'd arranged to talk on Skype this evening. Part of her wanted to decline the call, but she decided to be brave and tell Serena before she heard it from someone else. And she needed to see her, know she was okay. Life was too precious, today had taught her that if anything.

Pressing the accept button, she gave a small smile when she saw Serena in front of her.  
'Hey!' Serena sounded excited and full of life. Almost back to the old her, before she'd been plagued with grief and anger.  
'Hi, how are you?' Bernie could just about manage a very meagre smile. Serena immediately knew something was wrong.   
'I'm okay Bernie. But I think I should be asking how are you? What's up, you look like someone died?'

At that Bernies barriers broke and she completely broke down into tears. Serena immediately knew something very serious had happened  
'Bernie, love, what is it? Please, talk to me?'  
'I'm..sorry. I...have...no...right...to b..b...be crying.'  
'It's okay. This is me. I don't care what your doing. What's happened?'

Taking the bull by the horns, Bernie sucked in a breath and came out with it:  
'Jasmines dead.'  
Serena's face completely changed.   
'Dead? What do you mean? What happened? How?'  
'She had a scalpel in her pocket and she...she...fell we think. There was so..so...much blood. She..Jasmine..wouldn't let me...I tried...she wouldn't let me put a line in... I couldn't save her.'  
'Oh my god. I can't believe this. Bernie, that's awful.'  
'I know. Serena, I failed. I couldn't save her.. I don't deserve to be a doctor anymore. She's dead. She's gone and she's not coming back.'  
'Bernie! Hey, this is not your fault. You did your best. Sometimes, despite everything, it's not enough.'

'But... what do I do? She was so young, so full of life. I can't believe it. Today feels like a bad dream from which there's no escape.'  
'Oh Bernie. I wish I could say something to make it go away, to make it easier. I don't know what to say'  
'You're talking to me, that's enough'  
'I wish I could do more. Are you sure you're okay?'  
'I have no right to be crying. It's not like we were that close. Not like her and Morven. Oh god, Morven. She's lose Arthur, and now Jasmine. Hasn't that girl been through enough?'  
'Don't worry yourself about Morven for now. You need to mourn'  
'That's what Hanssen said.'  
'Well he's right.'  
'But I can't. I couldn't save her. It's my fault she's dead.'  
'No it's not Bernie. I blamed myself over Elinor. Trust me, nothing you could have done would have saved her. Bernie, please. And yes, you have a right to grieve. She was a friend and colleague. Everyone will grieve in their own way. I dread to think how Jac is. Will she care?'  
'Yes, she came straight to the trauma bay. I think her and Jasmine made their peace.'  
'Well that's something I suppose.'  
'I feel like I should have been able to protect her Serena. She's dead. She was so young, it isn't fair.'  
'I know Bernie, believe me I know. But nothing you could have done any different would have changed what happened? It was just a tragic accident.'

Bernie and Serena chatted for about an hour before Bernies laptop ran out of juice and the light shut off, leaving her in darkness. Today had left her second guessing everything. Questioning whether she was a good enough doctor. But it had also taught her that life was far too precious. &Jasmine has come into work today full of beans, she hadn't known she would be the next to die.


	8. Paper Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This episode follows on from the episode Paper Wishes that aired 20th June 2017

After Fletch had made the toast, Ric went over to the table in the corner where Bernie was having a moment on her own.  
'Is this seat taken?'  
'No, not at all.'  
Ric sat down by her and for a minute they were silent.

'Can I just say how impressed I was with your leadership today? Especially in the wake of such difficult conditions.'  
'Well thank you Ric. I'm trying my best to get us through this. We carry on. Those patients that come through the door don't know what we've been through. We owe it to them to carry on. But I do appreciate it how difficult it is.'  
'And how are you coping?'

Bernie took a moment to drain her whisky from her glass. Today had been a good day she supposed, just the hole on AAU was getting bigger. And even with the arrival of a new experience nurse, it couldn't be filled entirely. 

'I suppose I am okay. I have to be strong for the ward.'  
'It's okay to grieve a little.'  
'That's what Serena said to me when I told her last night.'  
'Oh, it was you that told her? I rang her earlier to break the news. I didn't think anyone had told her. But she knew and she asked me if there was any news on the funeral arrangements.'  
'Yeah I told her yesterday when she died. I wanted her to hear it from me. It wouldn't have been right her not hearing it from me. I'm her partner, it was my duty to tell her.'  
'How are things between the two of you?'

Bernie debated how to answer the question.  
'I'm not sure. She's off travelling the world, seeing the sights. And I'm here, every day fighting to keep our ward alive. Not that I mind, I just wish I knew when she was coming back.'  
'She is coming back, she told me so earlier.'  
'She did?'  
'She said she would see me soon.'  
'Did she?'  
'Yes, I think she wants to come back for the funeral.'

*********************************

Later that evening, back at her flat, Bernie was watching a film on the tele when her phone began to ring. Seeing it was Serena, she turned the volume down on the television, and put the phone on speaker.

'Hello?' she answered  
'Hi, it's me.'   
'Well I can see that from your caller ID. How are you?'  
'I'm fine, but I was actually calling to see how you were after today.'  
'I'm okay. Trying to get the ward through this. I'm kind of flying blind though Serena. I have no idea what I'm doing.'  
'Just being there for them through this Bernie is enough I'm sure. They know you're there to get them through.'  
'It would help if you were here as well Serena, and I know you can't be. But it doesn't stop me wishing things were different.'  
'It's okay Bernie. I wish I could be there as well. I don't know whether I should come to the funeral. Do you think I should?'

Bernie was quiet for a moment.  
'Bernie?'  
'Honestly Serena, I think you are the only person who can answer that. I know we would all love to see you. Me especially, but only you can answer that. I do think if you don't pay your respects you might regret it, especially given yours and Jasmines history.'  
'I do think I should be there. Ric said he would let me know of the funeral arrangements. I thought you might have enough on your plate with the ward and everything.'  
'Well. That is very sweet of you, but it would give me an excuse to talk to you. I miss having you here with me every day.'  
'I wish things were different.'

'Serena?'  
'Yes?'  
'I really hope you come to the funeral. It would be great to see you, even in those circumstances.'  
'I hope so too.'

********************************

Bernie and Serena were trying to be there for each other despite having a huge distance between the two of them. They were both wishing that their circumstances were different. Serena was wishing she was strong enough to go home and be there with Bernie, whereas Bernie was wishing that Serena was here anyway. She needed her support.

Their wishes were sent out into the universe, maybe they would be heard. Because head wishes or paper wishes, didn't make them any less real. And their love was what was getting them through this. And it would continue to for a long time to come. That was something no amount of wishes on paper would ever eradicate.


	9. Keeping The Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter follows on from the episode Keeping The Faith that aired on Tuesday 4th July 2017.

Bernie closed the door behind her. Today had been a bad day. Everything on the ward when was falling apart, and she didn't seem to be able to make it better, whatever she tried. 

Going into the living room, she dropped her bag on the floor and collapsed on to the sofa. She pulled the pillow from under her head and put it over her face. Screaming into it for a minute, she didn't know what else to do. She was fast losing grip on everything she held dear. Today she'd had to put Morven on compassionate leave after she'd attacked Fran. She didn't know what else she could do. She couldn't keep a grip on anything anymore.

********************************

Half an hour later, Bernie was curled up on the sofa in the foetal position, when the front door began to knock. Who was knocking at this hour? After the day she'd had and the mood she was in, it had better be important.

Heaving herself up off the sofa, she walked to the hallway. She could make out a dark shadow in front of the front door. Running her forehead, she opened the door.

And she stopped dead. For there stood the last person she expected to see.

'Serena?'  
'Hello.'  
'W...W...What are you doing here?'  
'I came to pay my respects. I'm sorry I couldn't be at the funeral yesterday. The flight was delayed and I only just touched down.'  
'I can't believe it...you're here.'  
'Yes.'

Bernie couldn't believe that Serena was here. Overcome with emotion, she threw her arms around Serena's neck, almost wanting to check that she wasn't imagining her.

*********************************

'Are you back to stay?'  
'No..I wish I was, but I'm not ready to come back yet. I just came to pay my respects to Jasmine.'  
'So, what does that mean for us?'  
'Us? I don't know what you mean.'  
'Serena, in case you haven't noticed, I am really struggling at the moment. I'm running AAU single handedly and I came do it much longer. The ward is falling apart. I've had to put Morven on leave today; after she attacked a nurse in the middle of ward.'

'Wait, what?'  
'She's got it into her head that what happened to Jasmine wasn't an accident. She attacked one of the nurses. I had to give her time off, but I'm not sure she is in her right mind.'  
'Morven attacked a nurse? That doesn't sound like her.'  
'It's not her Serena. She's grieving Jasmine's death, and she's lashing out.'  
'If it's any comfort, I would have done the same.'  
'Oh you would have would you?'  
'Bernie, what's wrong?'

Bernie moved away from Serena, her emotions and anger bubbling to the surface.  
'I don't know Serena. Maybe I'm angry because I'm losing everything I've ever cared about. I used to know that I was good at my job, good at running the ward. But now I'm not sure. The ward is falling apart in front of me and I'm powerless to stop it. I couldn't save Jasmine, Morven is losing the plot and you're AWOL. Serena, I can't do it all on my own anymore.'  
'Bernie, Jamsines death was not your fault. And you're not your own. I'm still here.'  
'But you're not Serena. You're not. And I know you need the time off but I'm seriously struggling to do this without you.'  
'I know.'

Bernie looked at Serena, confused.  
'What do you mean, you know?'  
'Bernie; I did come back to pay my respects. But not just that. I thought you might need some time out. I'm heading down to Wales for a week or so, to take in the country air. I want you to come with me?  
'Excuse me?'  
'Bernie, I'm not here; and I wish I was. But I need time out. After what's happened, I think a week away is what you need away. Maybe more, let's just wait and see. You're only human; you can't be expected to deal with everything. And I haven't been here for you when I should have been. Lord knows you were when I was struggling. That's what partners do.'

Bernie breathed out, not realising she'd been holding her breath. Serena moved closer to Bernie on the sofa, taking her hand in hers.  
'Bernie, I'm sorry I haven't been here. But I'm trying to be now. Please let me.'  
'Serena...'  
'Bernie, please come away with me? You need time out to grieve and get back to the person you were.'  
'I...'  
'You've been looking after everyone for months. Let me look after you for a few days, please?'

Bernie broke down into tears and flew at Serena, wrapping her arms around her. Bernie had been having a rough time lately, she'd been struggling to cope with everything that had happened. 

She had been trying to keep the faith that everything would be fine, but the bad day today had left everything spiralling out from under her. But with Serena's arrival, Bernies Faith had been restored. 

For they weren't always together, but they don't have to be together to be a strong partnership. Serena had been keeping faith in Bernie to run the ward without her and Bernie had been keeping the faith that Serena would return. 

Keeping The Faith might be hard at times but they two of them had managed to keep the faith in what the other had said, and everything has begun to take a turn for the better

Hopefully by keeping the faith, they have come closer together as a partnership.


	10. Sleep Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter.follows the episode Sleep Well that aired on 11th July 2017.

Bernie had been away for the week with Serena. Serena was right, after everything that had happened to Bernie over the last few weeks, the few days away was what she had needed. Wales wasn't very far away, but it had one thing Holby didn't- Serena Campbell. 

The week had come to an end far too quickly, and Bernie wasnt ready to say goodbye so she'd done a very naughty thing and decided to phone in sick the night before she was supposed to be back at work.

'Ric..its Bernie...yeah..look I'm not well...been up all night...I wont be in tomorrow...can you cover the ward for me for a couple of days?....thanks Ric...you're a lifesaver...'

Serena had listened to Bernie on the phone to Ric with a smug smile on her face. She was struggling not to laugh. She wasn't ready to say goodbye to Bernie either, any time she was lucky enough to have with her was a blessing. 

'Bernie Wolfe....tut tut tut.'  
'What?'  
'Phoning in sick when you're not. Shame on you.'  
'Don't try that one with me Serena Campbell. You can't tell me you've never pulled a sickie when your not ill.'  
Serena's face broke into a smile, and Bernie grinned.  
'Well...maybe just once or twice over the years.'  
'See..I knew it. A woman after my own heart.'  
'You've got mine already'

Bernie stopped, a little taken aback by what Serena said.  
'Got your what?'  
'My heart. My heart belongs to you and only you.'  
'Oh... Serena.'  
'And I know you're struggling without me, but I'm never far away Bernie. I am sorry I can't be back yet, but things won't be like this forever.'  
'You think so?'  
'I know so Bernie.'

Bernie moved further under the covers wrapping her arms around Serena.  
'God I love you Serena Campbell.'  
'And I love you Bernie. I wish more than anything we could be together all of the time.'  
'It's okay Serena, we will be eventually and that's all that matters. I just hate saying goodbye.to.you. Thats why I phoned in sick, I didn't want.to.go just yet..  
'I'm not.complaining Bernie. Anytime spent with.you is a blessing.'  
'Really?'  
'Yes'

Serena snuggled.into Bernie, laying her head on her chest. Bernie smiled, before turning the light off.   
'I wish we could freeze time. Right here, right now.'  
'I do as well Serena.'  
'I love you.'  
'And I love you. Sleep well.'  
'You too.'

The two.of.them did indeed sleep well in each others arms, but it was when they were apart they had problems. They hated being apart, but they knew eventually they would be back together forever, and they would always sleep well.


	11. Going The Distance

Today had been a good day. Morven had been back on the ward after her compassionate leave and she seemed to be in better spirits. She'd been amazing in theatre and Bernie had found herself very impressed with her. 

Not to mention overhearing Fletch and Oliver getting up to whatever in the staff room, and then walking in to find Donna and Fletch working on the punch bag. Today was a good day all round. But despite all the fun and impressions the staff had had together, there was still one thing missing. 

Serena.

Bernie had returned from Wales four days ago after her 'sickness' and hadn't heard anything from her since. She knew Serena was planning to travel to America for the rest of her trip, so Bernie had put it down to time differences and jet lag. She could cope without her until she came back, days like this showed her she could. Everything had been falling apart, but with the break away she'd had time to sort her head out, and the ward was running better as a result. 

**********************************************

Bernie drew up outside her flat and got out of the car. Locking the car, she put her bag over her shoulder and then her phone began to ring. She had an idea of who it might be and sure enough she was right.

'Hello you, how are you?'  
'Not long woke up. Sorry time difference hit me harder than I thought. How are you, you sound happy?'  
'I am. Today has been a good day. Morven is back and the time away seems to have helped her get some closure.'  
'Time away can do wonders for a persons mental state. Look at you, you're so much better.'

Bernie smiled as she closed the door behind her.   
'You never fail to surprise me Serena Campbell.'  
'Why do you say that?'  
'You're grieving for Elinor, and you still always seem to be here when I need you. When I'm struggling, you always know what I need.'  
'That's what being a couple is Bernie. You've been there for me in my dark times, you always are.'  
'Of course I am, why wouldn't I be? I love you.'  
'I love you too.'  
'The ward is a happier place now, but it still isn't the same without you.'  
'I know, and I will be back. I have you to come back for.'  
'Oh Serena...'  
'I just need some more time, then I will be right back there with you.'  
'I have no doubt of that'  
'Good because you don't need to.'

Serena and Bernie talked long into the night. The two of them were as close as they had ever been, and for the very first time in months, Bernie could actually see a future for her and Serena.

Because they were going the distance, despite the ever growing distance between them. That's what love is, going the distance when you're not together. And that they were. Their love was unbreakable and it was stretching around the world.


End file.
